By Rev. Dr Sharon Harris-Ewing
Interfaith Alliance of Southwest Florida
By Rev. Dr Sharon Harris-Ewing
Interfaith Alliance of Southwest Florida
As a panelist at the Greater Naples Leadership event entitled “Reduce the Rancor: A Free Community Forum on Civility,” I was asked, “What do you think are the necessary conditions for civility to be possible?” My response is that Civil discourse requires that we share some specific values and skills.
First, we must all affirm the fundamental value of every person, the belief that every single human being is inherently worthy of respect, dignity, and civil rights—equal rights under the law. Acting on this value, we assume that others have something of value to offer us.
Second, civil discourse requires an open mind and open heart. An open mind means that I am curious; I seek to learn from others. I don’t assume I already know what they think or believe. An open heart means I strive to practice empathy. I want to see the world through others’ eyes, to understand how their experiences have led them to think and feel the way they do.
Third, civility requires humility. I don’t know everything. I’m not always right. I can learn from you even if I disagree with you. If I am convinced that I’m right, I might appear to listen, but I’m not trying to understand or connect, I’m just waiting for you to finish.
Finally, for civil discourse to occur across real and meaningful differences, we have to value it. We have to believe in the value of entering into relationships with people who are different, building an inclusive community, and celebrating diversity. That leads directly to the skills required: listening, patience, and particular ways of thinking.
Listening is a skill that can be practiced and improved. There’s an old adage about one mouth and two ears. We would do well to speak less and listen more. We need to listen to learn: to understand a different point of view, to see from another’s perspective, and to learn about others’ experiences.
Being patient is also a skill that can be practiced and improved. Responding with patience may mean silencing our knee-jerk reactions, taking a deep breath, bearing with someone as she tries to explain herself or as he gathers his thoughts. Patience may mean slowing down one’s own response, thinking before speaking, and sometimes not speaking at all.
Critical, divergent, imaginative, and compassionate thinking is also a skill, one that takes hard work, but can be improved. It’s being able to think outside the box, specifically my own “box,” taking off whatever blinders limit my vision so that I can see both sides of an issue. It’s being willing and able to find common ground even when others say there is none.
In this coming election year, our community would be well served if more of us committed ourselves to developing these shared values and skills required for civil discourse.